Blog Update 12/1/2011

Hi everyone just wanted to let those of you know who haven’t heard yet that I was attacked and assaulted on Saturday night on my way back home from town. Thanks to everyone who has already left me a comment. I appreciate it. I was on my bicycle and they attacked from behind. I don’t remember anything. I just remember waking in the hospital with severe head injuries, head ache, and vomiting. I don’t know the people who attacked me. Apparently the hate in their hearts was enough for them to attack an innocent victim. Such is the sick society we live in. Excuse me if I sound pessimistic but you know by now I say things the way I see them. It is undeniable. My left eye is still swollen badly and the hearing in my right ear is not normal. I’m sure I’ll be able to write again but for now I just wanted to update you. My faith in mankind has been deeply hurt. I’m not going to lie. And it is not the first time.

My parents did a fair amount of damage to me in my life and there is something I would like to get off my chest after this incident. We CAN NOT have a society where having children is a right. It should be a privilege. Parents who plan on having children should go for intensive psychological testing to determine whether they are fit for the job. Having kids is no small thing. It determines what the future of our society will look like. Immense suffering could have been avoided in our world if we had this one simple rule in place. Personally I am dumbfounded that society haven’t come up with such a rule. Serial killers, rapists, terrorists, and all kinds of sick people come from homes where they were abused as children and have caused immense damage and suffering to society. I am sorry to ramble here but  I must get this off my chest.

I myself was abused as a child and although I have not become a criminal myself, the suffering that it has brought about in my life is immense. Nothing can ever make up for it. Countless parents do not have the simple ability to love a child, and that is enough to bring immense suffering into this world. Without love this world is essentially dead and void of meaning. Parents not capable of showing love should NOT be allowed to have children under any circumstances. We must ask ourselves what kind of world do we want to live in. For centuries we have been content to live in a sick society where untold misery and suffering has been the order of the day. We have caused untold damage to mother nature and each other, to the point where our survival is in doubt. Is this the future we want? It’s easy to create. Just allow anyone and everyone to have children.

Apparently the right to have children is a basic human right. But at what price? Take this person who attacked me. Imagine the evil that must exist in the heart of a person who attacks a stranger by the side of the road and beat them half to death. Just for the hell of it. I will not be told that his parents was fit for parenthood. No human being who was loved by his parents has the capacity for such evil. Even the smallest amount of love is enough to make a person think twice before committing such a sickening act. Yes, I feel violated and outraged. But that doesn’t mean I’m not being logical. There is no doubt human beings have the capacity for untold evil, but it takes the right conditions and circumstances to develop. This is where the parents play a crucial role. Being a parent is the single most important job in society, because it determines what kind of a world we will live in tomorrow.

Dysfunctional parents create a dysfunctional society and responsible parents create a responsible society. It is that simple.

Thanks for listening.

Posted in Uncategorized.

32 Comments

  1. Ruan, I am so sorry to hear about this. I can’t imagine how hurt you are, and I’m sorry you are having to go through this. It is terrible how people can be so hateful and senselessly violent, and normal people have to be the victims. Grr. I pray you will have a speedy recovery. I know all of us love reading your blog, so if you are able to continue, I know we would all love to keep learning from your extensive knowledge of the game! My buddy and I always comment after Federer plays and say, “I wonder what Ruan will think of that match.” haha I hope that’s encouraging to you! =)

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  2. My Dear Ruan, I am so sorry to hear of this violent attack on you.I hope you are taking care of yourself and that you heal. I send you love, wish i was near to bring you food. This is not a come on, i am an old women who simply cares. Our world is so horrifying for so many but everytime a random act of violence happens, as in your case,it shocks me. Thank you for shareing with us, we will want to hear how you are doing. Sincerely, Susan

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  3. hey ruan its good you spoke your heart out…Simply it wasnt good to hear literally and we feel for you but we, on the other hand would like to see you cheered up anyway because this is the way world works particularly talking about your recent experience.You have nothing left to do except for believing it.We all love you and care about you.May you find happiness(the way you want) in your life from now on.And we wish you recovery at the speed of light because buddy we need you and your blog :-)

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  4. Hi Ruan, hope you are recovering well. I am sorry to hear about the attack on you. Sometimes I dont understand the nature of humans, seems that we are capable of such evil that sometimes we behave worse than animals. Hope you recover in time for AO, we need you to brings us back from the high horse sometimes when it comes to Federer. Take care

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  5. Dear Ru-an, I would like to say again that I am very sorry for what has happened to you, and you have my best wishes. There are many senseless horrors in this world and in the hearts of human beings, but there are still some precious few things that are wonderful and beautiful, and I would like to thank you again for running this blog where we can all come together and share our joy and passion for one of those precious few things, for Roger Federer’s tennis is indeed wonderful and beautiful.

    Please know that you are not alone. You are in my thoughts and I hope you can make a full recovery soon.

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  6. Ru-an, Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your life. You are not alone. There are endless sufferings in the world which are totally innocent/undeserved. But it is not as simple as not having the right to have children. It is deeper, more vicious, more entangled than that. But what we can do is forgive (eventhough it is the most difficult thing to do) and move on, continuing to believe that good exist and is what we should all pursue no matter what kind of background we come from. If you had become a criminal because of how your parents treated you, where is the hope for human beings? Where is the dignity? Where is the deep belief and faith that we are more than animal? Your parents may have been animals but you have chosen not to be one. No matter how terrible others treat us, we must refuse to treat them badly in return or repeat their acts to others. We are more dignified than going down to animal level. We suffer but we suffer for good. A lot of suffering could be avoided if human beings can learn to forgive each other and not pay back an eye for an eye. It is difficult, is painful. No one says its easy but we must keep up the good fight. It is in this that the human spirit rises and what makes us different from animals. To act any lesser is just giving up and joining the masses who have become animals. I, too, suffered a lot at hands of parents, teachers, friends. Never had a friend in my life, looked down and pushed aside all my life. But I have grown up positive and no matter how much I still suffer, I refuse to join in with the lesser human beings and I continue to give love and support to suffering others and bringing them to forgive the lesser ones. It’s the hardest way but the only way. Your parents couldn’t be what they could be perhaps because they come from hateful past too. Somewhere along the line, a generation gotta rise up and stop all these hate. You have seen the light. You stop the hate in your generation and rise up and be good and believe in good and raise up future generations of good. I come from a family of rage and anger. I fought with my own rage all my life. Finally overcome most of it and now eventhough suffering still comes, I live with love and peace trying to understand dreadful people and bringing up my kids to be forgiving and faithful people. The hatred seems to have halted in my generation. I don’t know the future but I will fight for what I believe in till I die. No matter how much hate people can pile on me, I refuse to join them. You have all my admiration, support, prayers. You are a light. Continue to be one. So is Roger who refuses to be the typical rich over-indulgent spoilt star that so many stars fall into (did you hear about Stan abandoning his poor wife and kid?!) May the light be with you Ru-an!

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  7. Hi Ruan,

    like others i too was waiting for your blog, specially after Doha win. But when you didn’t post even after monday, i thought that there must be something wrong, otherwise you would have posted. I am very sad for you, all i can do is to pray to god for your well being…it would be great healing if Federer wins auzi open…

    we are with you everytime, please take gud care of your health. Its ok even if you dont post, we will update it with our comments.

    Get well Soon Buddy,

    Best Wishes from India

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  8. I am very sad to hear what happened to you, Ruan, and I am sending my best wishes for full and speedy recovery! The humanity is capable of horrible cruelty, but also there is love and kindness in the world, and we must continue to believe in it, while trying to be extremely cautious in all situations, that’s all we can do. Most importantly, please know that there are people right here on this blog who really care about you and deeply appreciate what you are doing. I am with you in my thoughts, may you feel better very soon!

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  9. I´m so sad, be faithful you are young and you are going to be healthy again.You need love, (I know of that Ru-an) so a “big bear hug”for a great friend,you know I love you and all your readers love you too!

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  10. Dear Ruan,

    I am extremely distressed to read about the attack on you and your difficult childhood.

    Coming from the land of the great Mahatma Gandhi and being heavily influenced by the books of Dalai Lama – i urge you to forgive and reconcile your past!

    You are a multi-talented personality and strangely such people have a more difficult life as if to give the rest of mankind an example of survival!

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery – i would recommend ‘The Art of Forgiveness’ by the Dalai Lama to help heal your wounds!

    Lots of love,
    S

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    veronica Reply:

    Agree with Suneer that strangely people with difficult past are the outstanding ones; in talent, in strength, in love, in deep understanding of life. You are “blessed” to be one of these people. My mum in law was an orphan since very young. Her mum committed suicide, dad died when she was born. No one cared for her, thrown everywhere, lived in extreme poverty, no education, but she learnt to survive and today, she is the most beautiful mum in law I know in the whole wide world. Looking at her, you wouldn’t know she came from a loveless, difficult past because she has a sweet and peaceful demeanor and always reaching out to hurting/lonely people. Just my way of saying you are special, Ru-an. You came into the world for a purpose, your hard life has a purpose, even your recent beating has a purpose. We bear your pain with you, all of us who have experienced pain alone in this cold and uncaring world.

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    Ru-an Reply:

    Thanks but i dont feel talented. I havent achieved a single thing in my life. But i guess its because i allowed my past to hold me back. Its all my fault.

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    MS Reply:

    I don’t know why you feel you haven’t “achieved” a single thing in your life, Ru-an. Isn’t that subjective ? You have perfect strangers from all parts of the world coming here to read your posts, caring about your well being,wishing you well. Can’t say that about a lot of people,can you ?

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    marron Reply:

    Bleah. “It’s all my fault”..? No negative thinking, Ru-an. Not allowed. Don’t you dare blame yourself for what happened.

    As you can see, there are ppl here in cyberspace who worry about your wellbeing and are concerned for you.

    Take heart.

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    reginald bell Reply:

    Hi Ruan,

    I am not a preacher nor a counsellor but I’ve also suffered so much in my life. What I did and it’s not easy to do, I forgave all the people who hurt me, that’s the time I was released from this bondage that the devil had implanted in my heart.

    You have so much to be proud of You’re a good and a fair person and a talented writer.

    Everything happens for a reason, the most important thing is you’re alive and well. Release all the hatred and burden in your heart and you’ll be set free.

    There’s so much in life. Love and support on this site is overflowing. I pray for your speedy recovery.

    Smile, God loves you!

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    Bragi Reply:

    Forgiveness is all fine in theory. let’s see you practise it after being bashed up to pulp. Would anyone of you honestly forgive someone who brutally harms you or your family / friends? No you won’t. Forcibly conditioning oneself to forgive after being subjected to the kind of trauma, Ruan suffered, has detrimental effects on mental health. It is better instead, to channel the hurt, disgrace, disgust and any other emotion into activities that influence others positively.

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  11. Gosh Ru-an, it is so heart wrenching to read about your troubled childhood.
    I have never commented on any of your posts but I do religiously read every one of them and look forward to doing so post every match I watch. Especially when Roger wins :-)
    You know how they say everything happens for a reason. I’ve been through some serious trouble myself and I thought it would be the end of me, but now in retrospect I realise that everything I went through helped me become a stronger person. There IS too much cruelty in this world but unfortunately we just have to face it and forge on, hoping someday everything will be alright.
    You will be fine, and everything will shape up just as you want it to someday. Our best wishes are with you always. Take care.

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  12. Ru-an, Like many other people, I too was wondering why there hasn’t been a post from you after Roger’s Doha victory. I couldn’t have guessed that something terrible had happened. I am so so sorry about what you went through and my thoughts are with you.
    I so agree with Bhav’s words above. Everything happens for a reason. When you go through the most hellish experiences in life, it is quite normal to ask “Why me?” but as cliched as it sounds, you will find out someday that something came out of it and if not anything else , you emerged a stronger and better person. And believe me, nothing lasts forever. There will be better days ahead. Look forward to them and you will do just fine.
    Take care and God bless.

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  13. Hi Ru-an
    I’m glad ur feeling well enough to blog again. And thank u for your reply to my earlier message.
    I was also attacked a few years ago- I was out with a friend and some drunken idiot decided to beat us both up. He was a thug. I wasn’t put inot hospital but it was pretty awful.
    There are a lot of awful people in the world.
    I wish u all the best in ur recovery. All us Fed fans have been robbed of ur wonderful spirit and I hope u recover it soon
    Andrew

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    Ru-an Reply:

    I dont know how one forgives that. I want only one thing and that is for the people who did this to go to jail for life where they get beaten and raped each and every day. If that happens i will forgive them.

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    reginald bell Reply:

    Hi Ruan,

    I just want to share with you my experience to let you know you’re not alone in your pain.

    I lost my 7 yrs old son few yrs ago due to my irresponsibility, it was very difficult for my family, my other children and especially myself.

    To make the story short, I ask for forgiveness and I forgave myself and I try to be a good father and a husband.

    I’ve been married for 30 yrs and just a month ago before christmas when I came from work I found a letter in my drawer enclosed is a legal separation that my wife filed.

    How devastating is that? I can’t express the feeling but I have to move on. It takes a while for the healing process but I know I’ll get through it.

    So you’re not alone everyone has to go through some trials and tribulations, it’s just different for everybody but we’re all hurting. It will pass.

    Take care.

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  14. Awww, I am so sad. I am going to cry! Why are there so many bad people in this world? I think man is going to exterminate himself before the planet ever blows up. Why are humans so destructive?!

    I hope you get better soon! I wish you could get out of that hell hole and live somewhere nice and safe!

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  15. “Parents who plan on having children should go for intensive psychological testing to determine whether they are fit for the job.”

    These have been my exact same thoughts since I can remember, Ruan. I am most concerned that you were attacked in the manner you were and I am shocked at the injuries you are having to deal with. Please do consider airing your views in public; either at a radio talk show or on TV. Your thoughts must be heard. Like you, I am equally flabbergasted as to why there are no established criteria to determine if couples are mature enough to sire children. My sympathies are reflected in the words of your admiring readers. If at all, this incident is yet another piece of irrefutable evidence that mankind is still an experimental work-in progress.

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  16. Ruan,

    My sympathaties to you. Once, when I was waiting for a bus in San Francisco, California en route back home to the US East side, I was attacked from behind / side while seated on a bench where I was waiting. A complete stranger (one of a a group of thugs that was walking by), apparently just walked up and punched me. Fortunately, the situation diffused after a brief confrontation (could have been much worse, as it was for you). I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing about the need for more love in families and in society — that is so true. I hope you recover from this and that better things come your way often in the future.

    Chris

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  17. Run-An: I am so sorry that you were attacked. Like others who regularly visit this site, I was waiting for you to comment on Roger’s Doha win. Certainly, you can take pleasure in that, and in your love for the beauty, elegance, and amazing skills that Roger’s tennis incarnates. What happened to you–what happened to the victims in Arizona–is horrible.

    It is all too easy for me, who did not endure what you had to, to hope that you’ll be able to see beyond what happened, to not let it imprison you in a hatred that keeps you from the joy Roger’s tennis has given you and the beauty of the world that he is an instance of. As I say, it’s all too easy for me, here, and unattacked, to hope this for you. Yet I do hope it for you. All the very best. Keep breathing, my friend.

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  18. Dear Ru-an,

    I really understand your frustration and anger towards the attackers but dont you agree that the one who forgives is more brave. It would be really gud for you if anger and frustration doesnt take front sit in your mind. You really need some positivity so that your wounds get healed faster. Anger will make the things worse.

    you now think that they should go to jail and beaten up n raped everyday and that you would forgive them. Wouldnt that be too much? You were beaten up only once, and you want that they should be beaten up every day.

    Please god forgive those guys because they dnt knw what they are doing…

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    Ru-an Reply:

    But i am innocent. They are not innocent so they deserve to suffer much worse than me.

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  19. Ruan, we can be angry at the terrible things that happen in this world, and there are plenty of them. But if we hold onto that anger we become bitter and cut off from what is also good. You – and we – celebrate the gift that Roger has; it enriches your life and ours. But you have an even more valuable gift that you might recognise, and that is that you have not been made into what was done to you from the abuse that you have endured. Think about what that means. You may not consider the preservation of your goodness of spirit as an achievement in the sense we typically describe these things, but it is what separates you from the kind of people who harmed you; their lives are indescribably hollow. To retain your integrity as a person, in a world that tests it every step, is one of the greatest achievements and a gift that can be shared with all you meet along the way. I sincerely hope, as many others have expressed here, that your spirit survives the awful damage inflicted on it.

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    Ru-an Reply:

    Thanks Neil, i appreciate it along with all the other people’s messages here. You message touch me maybe the deepest because ive been through much worse things in my life than this and somehow i havent allowed it to kill my spirit. It is good to know that there is at least one person there who notices it.

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  20. Ru-an, to channel our/your emotions about this horrible incident, I suggest a little mind-game/exercise. We all join together on your great blog because we admire RF. Most of us not only admire his tennis skills and talent, but also his attitude, personality, simply his extraordinary way of being & remaining human. He became, to a certain point, our role model. And you, Ru-an, are extremely talented, gifted and widely appreciated (worldwide, across cultures and languages) for telling us more about him, explaining him, helping us see things about him which we don’t see on our own. Now let’s imagine him getting beaten up like it happened to you. How would he react, how would he feel about it? Or more important than making silly, hypothetical assumptions: How would we wish for him, our role model, to react and feel if something similar happened to him. Which reaction would make us admire him even more? This is not about RF, this is a question about us, about our values, about our reason to become extreme fans of another human being, to admire him. You feel hatred, bitterness, desire for revenge. You definitely got all the necessary reasons to do so. So would I. So would RF, probably. But in terms of us joining on your blog to cultivate our desire for a peRFect human being, how do we like to think that this peRFect, imaginary person would react to such misfortune? Maybe there is a lesson here for us to learn, maybe we can create some usefulness to this stupid, criminal action through our joint reflection on this blog, and then move it to your spiritual blog and rejoice on this site about the AO success of RF. This time, if it happens to be Nr. 17, I as a fan will dedicate it to you, in appreciation of your blog. You, Ru-an, are special to me and obviously to many others as well, and celebrating a RF triumph is only half as sweet if it’s not followed by the joy of reading the subsequent update on the ruansfedererblog. We miss you, and if your parents were unapt for having children, I am happy there was no law in place to prevent them from having you! Your comments on this blog are the cream on the cake RF is cooking for us!

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    Ru-an Reply:

    Thanks Chris for the nice comment. I will think about it for sure.

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